Fullmetal Alchemist/Supernatural - That's Gotta Chafe

[scriveyner]

Title: that's gotta chafe
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist, Supernatural
AU: Mashup
Characters/Pairing: Ed, Al
Rating: T
Length: 967
Summary: "I can't believe we left our duffel bags in the hotel room," Al griped as Ed jimmied the lock to the back storage room. "I had important STUFF in mine-"

"I can't believe we left our duffel bags in the hotel room," Al griped as Ed jimmied the lock to the back storage room. "I had important STUFF in mine-"

"We'll get you another laptop," Ed said, popping the lock and pushing the door in. "It's not like we don't have our books and the resources, and they're just clothes. Stop being such a prissy princess." He bowed to Al, extending his arm. "After you, your highness."

Al shoved Ed as he went through the door. "You're such a jackass."

The building was low-tech, which was why Ed had picked it. They were currently running on cash only, and they hadn't had time to hustle any pool or poker to make up the difference. They'd sack a few outfits from a local consignment shop and be good for a while. Ed located the security office and determined that with the exception of the camera covering the registers, all the others were fake.

"So we stay away from the registers, not a problem," Al said, shining his flashlight over the racks of clothing. "In and out, though. No browsing."

Ed pulled a duffel bag off the wall that looked like it came from an army surplus store and started pulling pants off of hangers, looking for size tags while Al checked out the full suits on the other end of the store. A couple pairs of well-worn boots, and as many button-down shirts Ed could shove into his new duffel later he was ready to go.聽

Al was still looking at sizes on the suits. Ed stood near a front window, keeping an eye out for traffic. The consignment store was on the back end of a lot of stores, and while the thoroughfare was busy this time of night, no cars came back this far into the shopping center.

Half keeping an eye out the window, Ed spotted a gleam and noticed the shine on a pair of pants. He looked over at Al, who was grabbing dress shoes off of the shoe rack and stuffed the pair of pants into the duffel bag. "You ready yet?" he called quietly. "Or do you want to browse more, I saw this lovely tutu-"

Al threw something at him, Ed ducked. It was just a stuffed bear, not enough to do damage but it got the point across without making a lot of noise. "Okay, okay-" Ed trotted up the aisle, slinging the duffel expertly over his shoulder. "Let's put this town behind us."

He slung his duffel in the trunk, Al did the same and then tossed the suits in the back seat of the Impala. He slid into the passenger seat while Ed revved the engine, and true to his word they put the town very quickly in their rear view mirror, leaving only a fairly odd breaking and entering for the local police to puzzle over.

#

Al took the suits to be dry-cleaned; Ed had argued that was stupid and Al argued back that they didn't know if they came off of a dead body and Ed acquiesced - and he was trying on pairs of jeans when Al returned. He had just tossed a pair that was way too long for him onto the bed and retreated into the bathroom with his latest acquisition while Al frowned at the mess of jeans thrown all over the room. There were three distinct piles, but what they meant Al had no idea.

Al shrugged and picked through the shirts Ed had grabbed. Al's shoulders were broader than Ed's, but they more or less wore the same size and there'd be no problems sharing shirts until they got a new card in to get better fitting clothes. Thankfully it was still cool out, so wearing layers of older clothes wouldn't get them odd looks.聽

Ed made a crowing noise from the bathroom. "Toilet seat's up dumbass," Al called absently, stuffing the jeans he had tried on into a laundry bag.

"Fuck you," Ed called back, but he didn't sound upset. Curious, Al stood up and walked to the bathroom door.

Ed was oogling his own ass in a pair of leave-nothing-to-the-imagination black leather pants. Al's eyebrows abandoned his face for somewhere in his hairline. "Ed," Al said, his voice a little strangled. "What the hell is that?"

"Leather," Ed said smugly, half-turning and checking his ass from another angle. "I didn't think they'd fit, these are sharp." He ran a thumb along the edge of the pants, they looked almost painted on. "Needs a belt, I think," he murmured absently. "I look damn fine."

"Where are you going to wear a pair of tight leather pants?" Al said. "The gay bar?"

Now Ed shot Al a look. "Low blow," he said. "You're just jealous, there's no way in hell they'd fit you."

No, there was no way in hell Al would be able to get those on, Ed had a slimmer physique by far. Not that Al had any desire to wear pants someone could bounce a quarter off of. "I sure as hell hope you aren't going hunting in those," he said finally, shaking his head. "We have enough problems getting two beds some days."

"Ugh," Ed said, tucking his thumbs into the waistband of the pants and giving one last longing look at his ass. "I'll find a use for them," he said with determination.

"Yeah, sure you will," Al said, shaking his head and retreating. "For that one time we'll go undercover in a Hot Topic-"

"I'm going to kick your ass to Mexico if you keep that shit up," Ed yelled, then made a frustrated noise. "Fuck ass, how do I get out of these pants?"