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scriveynerTitle: Intentional Hurt
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
AU: Reverse'verse
Characters/Pairing: Ed/Rian
Rating: M
Length: 1198
Summary: He’s stupid. He’s done his share of stupid things, monumentally stupid things, there should be a museum dedicated specifically to the fuck-ups of one Edward Elric (co-signed Alphonse “I told you not to do that, Brother” Elric) - but this newest entry into the annuals felt particularly egregious.
He’s stupid. He’s done his share of stupid things, monumentally stupid things, there should be a museum dedicated specifically to the fuck-ups of one Edward Elric (co-signed Alphonse “I told you not to do that, Brother” Elric) - but this newest entry into the annuals felt particularly egregious. Perhaps it was because in the cold bright light of morning he could see the damage done more clearly; the heat and the lust evaporated and leaving….
…regret? No, not quite. Edward had moved softly, sliding out from under the blankets and letting the cooler air in; the other occupant of the bed curled away from the cold, pulling the blankets tight. It wasn’t quite regret, that made his throat constrict when he looked at the lump, bits of dark hair escaping from the end of the blanket. It was not regret, it was not shame – but it was a cold sensation that made its way up his spine, that curled like a hard ball of stone in his belly, a sensation that made it hard for him to draw breath into his lungs.
It was fear, he would later realize, his flesh hand trying vainly to leech warmth from a home-brewed cup of coffee; Rian still asleep in his bed. Edward knew fear, he had known it intimately, and yet it still seemed so foreign that it would take him this long to identify it. Fear was not quantifiable, not easily put into a box or examined under a microscope, identified and tagged and lined neatly on the shelves of his mind. It coiled in his gut like a viper, biding its time, waiting to strike.
He could feel it surging slightly when he heard the rustle of sheets from in the bedroom. How he was able to hold his coffee cup in his right hand without either the cup of his automail rattling would be a mystery he would take to his grave.
The litany of reasons that last night should not have happened was long and mentally dictated by his brother – Rian was a little less than a decade younger than he is, is his direct subordinate, looks uncomfortably similar to (NO HE IS ALLOWED TO HAVE A TYPE, DAMMIT) … also there was that no-getting-around it fact that clearly he had been looking to Get Fucked, and Edward had taken advantage of that. CLEARLY taken advantage of that. He was twenty-five years old and still not ready to be the adult in the relationship. There were bad ideas, and there were bad ideas.
Rian popped a fuzzy, scruffy head around the corner into the kitchen, squinting blearily at the bright fluorescence that drowned out the mottled gray of daylight. Edward looked at him, tried not to look like a frightened animal (which was harder than he reckoned it ought to be, all things considered), and Rian gave him much the same look in return. They were frightened of each other, and this was patently, completely ridiculous.
Edward licked his lips. “There’s coffee on,” he said. “If you’d like some. I’m afraid I don’t have much by way of breakfast, I don’t-” I don’t invite people over, I don’t feed people breakfast, I’ve been the only one who slept in that bed since I purchased it, “I don’t usually eat. Breakfast.”
Rian was looking around the kitchen, as if he had never seen it before. Practically everyone in Edward’s command had been here at some point or another, Rian included – but he was looking at the room with fresh eyes. As he turned his head, his hair all spiked funny from the way Edward had clutched him in his sleep – he could see the dark bruise under his jaw and Edward’s face turned red.
There would be other bruises too; Edward just could not see their evidence under the dressing gown Rian currently wore. There was a shade of remorse in his gut, but that was being overshadowed significantly by the fact that Edward had done that to Rian. He had marked him. He had made Rian his. It made his body thrum with all sorts of excitement, and Edward was truly having to restrain the reaction of standing up, slamming Rian against the wall, and showing him exactly how owned he was at this very moment.
Somehow, magically, Edward kept his composure on and focused on not cracking the coffee mug. Rian was being deceptively quiet, but he was giving Edward this look, mostly from the corner of his eyes as if he was afraid (oh hell, ashamed) of looking at him directly. “Rian?”
Rian looked at him then, one hand on the door frame and said, softly, “We had sex.”
Focus on the coffee cup, don’t let it rattle. He wet his lips again, he did that a lot when it felt like the desert had transplanted itself into his mouth. “We did.” Do you regret it? Please don’t say you regret it, I don’t know how I am going to be able to live if you say you regret it-
However, Rian’s expression seemed to turn inward a moment as he considered. “I thought I’d feel different after,” he said. “Like … I don’t know, a different person.” He shifted a little, still one hand on the door frame. “I am sore as hell, though.”
It was difficult letting out the breath he had been holding so that Rian wouldn’t notice it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s … it’s been a long time. For me.”
It took a moment, but then Rian grinned. It was a big grin, felt like the sun coming out from behind a cloud though. Edward could not help but smile in return, as Rian shuffled slowly into the kitchen.
Edward stayed perfectly still as Rian put both of his hands on Edward’s face, slowly, before tilting his head up to kiss him. A good morning kiss – when was the last time he had had one of those? Edward’s eyes drifted to half-closed and he could feel Rian grin against his mouth. “It was wonderful, colonel, thank you.”
Then he bit Edward’s lip, just enough that Edward jerked his eyes open, surprised. Rian drew his head back, smirking as he ran his hands through Edward’s tangled hair, and asked against his mouth - “so when are doing it again?”
Not now, Edward’s inner voice chided, as Edward put his hands on Rian’s face to hold him there, nose to nose, foreheads pressed together. “Now,” Edward said, and Rian made a happy noise against his mouth.
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
AU: Reverse'verse
Characters/Pairing: Ed/Rian
Rating: M
Length: 1198
Summary: He’s stupid. He’s done his share of stupid things, monumentally stupid things, there should be a museum dedicated specifically to the fuck-ups of one Edward Elric (co-signed Alphonse “I told you not to do that, Brother” Elric) - but this newest entry into the annuals felt particularly egregious.
He’s stupid. He’s done his share of stupid things, monumentally stupid things, there should be a museum dedicated specifically to the fuck-ups of one Edward Elric (co-signed Alphonse “I told you not to do that, Brother” Elric) - but this newest entry into the annuals felt particularly egregious. Perhaps it was because in the cold bright light of morning he could see the damage done more clearly; the heat and the lust evaporated and leaving….
…regret? No, not quite. Edward had moved softly, sliding out from under the blankets and letting the cooler air in; the other occupant of the bed curled away from the cold, pulling the blankets tight. It wasn’t quite regret, that made his throat constrict when he looked at the lump, bits of dark hair escaping from the end of the blanket. It was not regret, it was not shame – but it was a cold sensation that made its way up his spine, that curled like a hard ball of stone in his belly, a sensation that made it hard for him to draw breath into his lungs.
It was fear, he would later realize, his flesh hand trying vainly to leech warmth from a home-brewed cup of coffee; Rian still asleep in his bed. Edward knew fear, he had known it intimately, and yet it still seemed so foreign that it would take him this long to identify it. Fear was not quantifiable, not easily put into a box or examined under a microscope, identified and tagged and lined neatly on the shelves of his mind. It coiled in his gut like a viper, biding its time, waiting to strike.
He could feel it surging slightly when he heard the rustle of sheets from in the bedroom. How he was able to hold his coffee cup in his right hand without either the cup of his automail rattling would be a mystery he would take to his grave.
The litany of reasons that last night should not have happened was long and mentally dictated by his brother – Rian was a little less than a decade younger than he is, is his direct subordinate, looks uncomfortably similar to (NO HE IS ALLOWED TO HAVE A TYPE, DAMMIT) … also there was that no-getting-around it fact that clearly he had been looking to Get Fucked, and Edward had taken advantage of that. CLEARLY taken advantage of that. He was twenty-five years old and still not ready to be the adult in the relationship. There were bad ideas, and there were bad ideas.
Rian popped a fuzzy, scruffy head around the corner into the kitchen, squinting blearily at the bright fluorescence that drowned out the mottled gray of daylight. Edward looked at him, tried not to look like a frightened animal (which was harder than he reckoned it ought to be, all things considered), and Rian gave him much the same look in return. They were frightened of each other, and this was patently, completely ridiculous.
Edward licked his lips. “There’s coffee on,” he said. “If you’d like some. I’m afraid I don’t have much by way of breakfast, I don’t-” I don’t invite people over, I don’t feed people breakfast, I’ve been the only one who slept in that bed since I purchased it, “I don’t usually eat. Breakfast.”
Rian was looking around the kitchen, as if he had never seen it before. Practically everyone in Edward’s command had been here at some point or another, Rian included – but he was looking at the room with fresh eyes. As he turned his head, his hair all spiked funny from the way Edward had clutched him in his sleep – he could see the dark bruise under his jaw and Edward’s face turned red.
There would be other bruises too; Edward just could not see their evidence under the dressing gown Rian currently wore. There was a shade of remorse in his gut, but that was being overshadowed significantly by the fact that Edward had done that to Rian. He had marked him. He had made Rian his. It made his body thrum with all sorts of excitement, and Edward was truly having to restrain the reaction of standing up, slamming Rian against the wall, and showing him exactly how owned he was at this very moment.
Somehow, magically, Edward kept his composure on and focused on not cracking the coffee mug. Rian was being deceptively quiet, but he was giving Edward this look, mostly from the corner of his eyes as if he was afraid (oh hell, ashamed) of looking at him directly. “Rian?”
Rian looked at him then, one hand on the door frame and said, softly, “We had sex.”
Focus on the coffee cup, don’t let it rattle. He wet his lips again, he did that a lot when it felt like the desert had transplanted itself into his mouth. “We did.” Do you regret it? Please don’t say you regret it, I don’t know how I am going to be able to live if you say you regret it-
However, Rian’s expression seemed to turn inward a moment as he considered. “I thought I’d feel different after,” he said. “Like … I don’t know, a different person.” He shifted a little, still one hand on the door frame. “I am sore as hell, though.”
It was difficult letting out the breath he had been holding so that Rian wouldn’t notice it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s … it’s been a long time. For me.”
It took a moment, but then Rian grinned. It was a big grin, felt like the sun coming out from behind a cloud though. Edward could not help but smile in return, as Rian shuffled slowly into the kitchen.
Edward stayed perfectly still as Rian put both of his hands on Edward’s face, slowly, before tilting his head up to kiss him. A good morning kiss – when was the last time he had had one of those? Edward’s eyes drifted to half-closed and he could feel Rian grin against his mouth. “It was wonderful, colonel, thank you.”
Then he bit Edward’s lip, just enough that Edward jerked his eyes open, surprised. Rian drew his head back, smirking as he ran his hands through Edward’s tangled hair, and asked against his mouth - “so when are doing it again?”
Not now, Edward’s inner voice chided, as Edward put his hands on Rian’s face to hold him there, nose to nose, foreheads pressed together. “Now,” Edward said, and Rian made a happy noise against his mouth.
