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scriveynerTitle: starlight
Fandom: Samurai Flamenco
AU: Gates'verse
Characters/Pairing: Gotou/Masayoshi/Kanata
Rating: T
Length: 1648
Summary: He realized that Masayoshi and Gotou were looking shyly at each other, both blushing - so Kanata leaned forward, hauling himself to his feet and grabbing some of the bottles left on the table to walk to the kitchen. When he glanced back into the living room they were kissing, and did not even seem to notice that he had left.
It had been a mostly quiet evening. They had watched the most recent few episodes of Ensemble! and some mecha anime that Gotou would not admit to being hooked on but somehow, someone had "accidentally" DVR’d the most recent episodes. They would interchange on the couch, all three of them - sometimes one would plop down on the floor in front of the other two, there would be shoving and elbows and laughter and shushing - Masayoshi had accidentally flung the remote when he jumped up during a transformation sequence and Kanata had kneecapped him with an elbow and he went right back down again just that quickly.
And then it grew quiet, and Kanata glanced back, his elbow on the couch cushion behind him, legs sprawled apart as he slouched back. He realized that Masayoshi and Gotou were looking shyly at each other, both blushing - so Kanata leaned forward, hauling himself to his feet and grabbing some of the bottles left on the table to walk to the kitchen. When he glanced back into the living room they were kissing, and did not even seem to notice that he had left.
There was a hollow feeling in his chest that he did not know how to breathe around. It felt strangely like drowning, this burning in his lungs, and he did not know quite what he needed to do with it. He swallowed around the ache.
“Beyond~” Masayoshi called from the couch, finally noticing his absence. “Come on back, we’re gonna start the next one-!”
He dumped the trash in the bin and left the bottles in the sink to rinse before they went in with the recycling. “I’ve already seen it,” he said, the lie coming easy, just like everyone other one before it. “It’s the one where-”
“No, stop!” Masayoshi yelled, his hands clamped over his ears. “Don’t tell me, spoilers!”
Kanata looked up and grinned, raised an eyebrow to survey the damage done and realized that Gotou was looking at him with a strange expression. He met Gotou’s eye, but then Masayoshi hit play, being cleared to do so by Kanata and the sudden noise and movement on the screen made Gotou flick his attention away from Kanata. He let out a breath he had not realized he had been holding, and unclenched the fist that was resting on the counter.
He wasn’t in the mood to watch anymore, anyway - Kanata grabbed the first hooded sweatshirt on the coat rack and slipped outside to the balcony. Masayoshi was leaned forward on the couch, his hands curled into fists and resting on his knees, single-minded intensity now focused on the show before him, Gotou’s arm slung across the back of the couch behind Masayoshi as he sprawled. Kanata shut the door firmly behind him.
It was cold out - colder than even the hooded sweatshirt would account for, but he didn’t feel like ducking back inside for a scarf or a heavier jacket. He tucked his hands into the front pocket and exhaled - and found Gotou’s carton of cigarettes. He tugged at the collar of the sweatshirt and actually looked at it, realizing with some faint amusement he’d grabbed Gotou’s instead of his own.
The sky was remarkably clear, for a city at night. Light pollution eliminated most of the stars he knew were there, but some of the brightest ones were still visible, twinkling merrily, suspended in the dark canvas that stretched above.
They were strangely comforting, these stars. Where everything else was different, the stars remained the same. The same constellations, the same configurations as the ones he would look up at outside the apartment that was once his home - his, not Masayoshi’s - even if it was the same apartment, the same layout, the same couch, the same dishes, this was not his home. His home was gone. He could never go back, even if he wanted.
Kanata didn’t cough on that first inhale like he had the first time he’d sneaked a cigarette from Gotou. The familiar taste and tang was relaxing, and he stared at the sky, leaning forward on the railing and thought numbly of nothing at all.
He’d been standing outside smoking for a few minutes when he heard the balcony door slide, and he glanced behind him. Gotou rubbed his hands together and gave Kanata an intense look. “You’re smoking my cigarettes,” he said. “Again.”
Kanata blew smoke out into the night air, and then left the cigarette in his mouth, fishing the carton out of the sweatshirt’s front pocket and passing it over to Gotou. Gotou slid a cigarette out and held out his hand for the lighter, and then he leaned backward against the railing, standing beside Kanata and looking back toward the warm light that came out of the apartment.
“Why are you sulking?” he asked, without taking the cigarette out of his mouth.
“I’m not sulking,” Kanata did not look over at him.
“Yeah, okay, but you’re voluntarily missing the episode you haven’t seen yet, and I know you haven’t seen yet, so clearly something’s wrong.”
Kanata took the cigarette out of his own mouth and sighed deeply, looking down at the drop from the balcony. It was a considerable one, and this was one of the tallest buildings in the neighborhood. “Has anyone every told you you’re nosy, Hidenori?”
“I’m a police officer, I’m paid to be nosy.” Gotou shifted, turning around so that he was leaning on the railing in the same direction Kanata was. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” He watched some of the ashes flicker off the end of his cigarette, tiny little embers of light that extinguished quickly as they floated away, vanishing into the night. He could not explain everything, he never would really be able to do. The weight that he would always bear, the horrible things he had done - there was no redemption from that, he knew. He had to wonder if being spared, if being cleaved from From Beyond was less a mercy and more a punishment. “And even if there was,” he said, and flicked the cigarette again. “It doesn’t really matter.”
He was aware that Gotou was watching him intently, he just didn’t care. “It does,” Gotou said quietly. “Matter.”
“It doesn’t,” he repeated. “But it’s nice of you to say so.”
Kanata jerked suddenly as Gotou grabbed him by the front of the sweatshirt, cigarette falling to the concrete by his feet. “It matters to me,” he said, anger in his tone. He could have deflected Gotou’s grip, but he was staring at Gotou, surprised and caught completely off his guard. “You’re a fucking idiot, you matter to me, and you matter to Masayoshi too, you know?”
His mouth quirked, bitter smile still in place. Gotou growled, anticipating his response, and his fingers tightened on Kanata’s collar. “You matter,” Gotou said again, firmly.
“You both would have been better off without me,” Kanata said softly. “That’s not a lie, and you know it.”
“Stop it.” Gotou released the front of his sweatshirt, stubbed out his own cigarette and looked away.
“If I had never come here, if I had never existed-”
“Then there’s no guarantee that Masayoshi wouldn’t have ended up like you!” Gotou almost yelled, and Kanata flinched. “You make a difference, idiot-!”
“No,” Kanata whispered. “He never would have ended up like me. He had you.”
Gotou huffed angrily and looked away again, and Kanata swallowed and looked down. The tightness in his chest was expanding, it hurt so much, it was true, that was why it hurt so much, he had never known Gotou Hidenori, maybe his life would have turned out so much different if he had….
“You know what doesn’t matter?” Gotou said, still looking out from the balcony. Kanata looked up, looked over at him, fighting down the wave of nausea that threatened to overwhelm him. “Any of that.” He looked back at Kanata, took that step forward that eliminated the space between them and then Kanata found himself abruptly yanked into Gotou’s arms.
He blinked in surprise as Gotou wrapped him tightly in a hug. “You have me now,” Gotou said. “You have me, and you have Masayoshi, and we’re both here for you.”
There was a long moment in which he just stood there, uncertain - and then Kanata wrapped his arms around Gotou and buried his face in Gotou’s shoulder. He would not cry, he told himself that he would never cry again once he became an interface, once he turned his back on his humanity but he couldn’t help this, the way his body shook in Gotou’s arms.
Gotou brushed his hand through Kanata’s hair gently. “You matter,” he said again quietly, and Kanata thought maybe,maybe he didn’t have just the stars any more.
Fandom: Samurai Flamenco
AU: Gates'verse
Characters/Pairing: Gotou/Masayoshi/Kanata
Rating: T
Length: 1648
Summary: He realized that Masayoshi and Gotou were looking shyly at each other, both blushing - so Kanata leaned forward, hauling himself to his feet and grabbing some of the bottles left on the table to walk to the kitchen. When he glanced back into the living room they were kissing, and did not even seem to notice that he had left.
It had been a mostly quiet evening. They had watched the most recent few episodes of Ensemble! and some mecha anime that Gotou would not admit to being hooked on but somehow, someone had "accidentally" DVR’d the most recent episodes. They would interchange on the couch, all three of them - sometimes one would plop down on the floor in front of the other two, there would be shoving and elbows and laughter and shushing - Masayoshi had accidentally flung the remote when he jumped up during a transformation sequence and Kanata had kneecapped him with an elbow and he went right back down again just that quickly.
And then it grew quiet, and Kanata glanced back, his elbow on the couch cushion behind him, legs sprawled apart as he slouched back. He realized that Masayoshi and Gotou were looking shyly at each other, both blushing - so Kanata leaned forward, hauling himself to his feet and grabbing some of the bottles left on the table to walk to the kitchen. When he glanced back into the living room they were kissing, and did not even seem to notice that he had left.
There was a hollow feeling in his chest that he did not know how to breathe around. It felt strangely like drowning, this burning in his lungs, and he did not know quite what he needed to do with it. He swallowed around the ache.
“Beyond~” Masayoshi called from the couch, finally noticing his absence. “Come on back, we’re gonna start the next one-!”
He dumped the trash in the bin and left the bottles in the sink to rinse before they went in with the recycling. “I’ve already seen it,” he said, the lie coming easy, just like everyone other one before it. “It’s the one where-”
“No, stop!” Masayoshi yelled, his hands clamped over his ears. “Don’t tell me, spoilers!”
Kanata looked up and grinned, raised an eyebrow to survey the damage done and realized that Gotou was looking at him with a strange expression. He met Gotou’s eye, but then Masayoshi hit play, being cleared to do so by Kanata and the sudden noise and movement on the screen made Gotou flick his attention away from Kanata. He let out a breath he had not realized he had been holding, and unclenched the fist that was resting on the counter.
He wasn’t in the mood to watch anymore, anyway - Kanata grabbed the first hooded sweatshirt on the coat rack and slipped outside to the balcony. Masayoshi was leaned forward on the couch, his hands curled into fists and resting on his knees, single-minded intensity now focused on the show before him, Gotou’s arm slung across the back of the couch behind Masayoshi as he sprawled. Kanata shut the door firmly behind him.
It was cold out - colder than even the hooded sweatshirt would account for, but he didn’t feel like ducking back inside for a scarf or a heavier jacket. He tucked his hands into the front pocket and exhaled - and found Gotou’s carton of cigarettes. He tugged at the collar of the sweatshirt and actually looked at it, realizing with some faint amusement he’d grabbed Gotou’s instead of his own.
The sky was remarkably clear, for a city at night. Light pollution eliminated most of the stars he knew were there, but some of the brightest ones were still visible, twinkling merrily, suspended in the dark canvas that stretched above.
They were strangely comforting, these stars. Where everything else was different, the stars remained the same. The same constellations, the same configurations as the ones he would look up at outside the apartment that was once his home - his, not Masayoshi’s - even if it was the same apartment, the same layout, the same couch, the same dishes, this was not his home. His home was gone. He could never go back, even if he wanted.
Kanata didn’t cough on that first inhale like he had the first time he’d sneaked a cigarette from Gotou. The familiar taste and tang was relaxing, and he stared at the sky, leaning forward on the railing and thought numbly of nothing at all.
He’d been standing outside smoking for a few minutes when he heard the balcony door slide, and he glanced behind him. Gotou rubbed his hands together and gave Kanata an intense look. “You’re smoking my cigarettes,” he said. “Again.”
Kanata blew smoke out into the night air, and then left the cigarette in his mouth, fishing the carton out of the sweatshirt’s front pocket and passing it over to Gotou. Gotou slid a cigarette out and held out his hand for the lighter, and then he leaned backward against the railing, standing beside Kanata and looking back toward the warm light that came out of the apartment.
“Why are you sulking?” he asked, without taking the cigarette out of his mouth.
“I’m not sulking,” Kanata did not look over at him.
“Yeah, okay, but you’re voluntarily missing the episode you haven’t seen yet, and I know you haven’t seen yet, so clearly something’s wrong.”
Kanata took the cigarette out of his own mouth and sighed deeply, looking down at the drop from the balcony. It was a considerable one, and this was one of the tallest buildings in the neighborhood. “Has anyone every told you you’re nosy, Hidenori?”
“I’m a police officer, I’m paid to be nosy.” Gotou shifted, turning around so that he was leaning on the railing in the same direction Kanata was. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” He watched some of the ashes flicker off the end of his cigarette, tiny little embers of light that extinguished quickly as they floated away, vanishing into the night. He could not explain everything, he never would really be able to do. The weight that he would always bear, the horrible things he had done - there was no redemption from that, he knew. He had to wonder if being spared, if being cleaved from From Beyond was less a mercy and more a punishment. “And even if there was,” he said, and flicked the cigarette again. “It doesn’t really matter.”
He was aware that Gotou was watching him intently, he just didn’t care. “It does,” Gotou said quietly. “Matter.”
“It doesn’t,” he repeated. “But it’s nice of you to say so.”
Kanata jerked suddenly as Gotou grabbed him by the front of the sweatshirt, cigarette falling to the concrete by his feet. “It matters to me,” he said, anger in his tone. He could have deflected Gotou’s grip, but he was staring at Gotou, surprised and caught completely off his guard. “You’re a fucking idiot, you matter to me, and you matter to Masayoshi too, you know?”
His mouth quirked, bitter smile still in place. Gotou growled, anticipating his response, and his fingers tightened on Kanata’s collar. “You matter,” Gotou said again, firmly.
“You both would have been better off without me,” Kanata said softly. “That’s not a lie, and you know it.”
“Stop it.” Gotou released the front of his sweatshirt, stubbed out his own cigarette and looked away.
“If I had never come here, if I had never existed-”
“Then there’s no guarantee that Masayoshi wouldn’t have ended up like you!” Gotou almost yelled, and Kanata flinched. “You make a difference, idiot-!”
“No,” Kanata whispered. “He never would have ended up like me. He had you.”
Gotou huffed angrily and looked away again, and Kanata swallowed and looked down. The tightness in his chest was expanding, it hurt so much, it was true, that was why it hurt so much, he had never known Gotou Hidenori, maybe his life would have turned out so much different if he had….
“You know what doesn’t matter?” Gotou said, still looking out from the balcony. Kanata looked up, looked over at him, fighting down the wave of nausea that threatened to overwhelm him. “Any of that.” He looked back at Kanata, took that step forward that eliminated the space between them and then Kanata found himself abruptly yanked into Gotou’s arms.
He blinked in surprise as Gotou wrapped him tightly in a hug. “You have me now,” Gotou said. “You have me, and you have Masayoshi, and we’re both here for you.”
There was a long moment in which he just stood there, uncertain - and then Kanata wrapped his arms around Gotou and buried his face in Gotou’s shoulder. He would not cry, he told himself that he would never cry again once he became an interface, once he turned his back on his humanity but he couldn’t help this, the way his body shook in Gotou’s arms.
Gotou brushed his hand through Kanata’s hair gently. “You matter,” he said again quietly, and Kanata thought maybe,maybe he didn’t have just the stars any more.
